MY HERO, Dr. Varma

Brilliant person + chubby chub cheeks = gold
Don't worry, I have two arms and Dr. Varma is not a giant.

Back to school!

It’s been too long since I updated my blog. I was busy studying for the GRE, which I hope to never see again after taking it a few days ago. When I took the test, there was a problem with my GRE computer station and it paused for 30 seconds between each question. Long story short, the test took me almost six hours! I had special accommodations with extra breaks because the surgery was recent enough that cramps can get the better of me sometimes. Luckily, all that studying (because I had nothing better to do in my convalescence than brush up on obscure words no one uses) paid off.

In other news, I had my farewell appointment with Dr. Varma today. My abscess has healed over and the scar should shrink more in the coming weeks. The area right above my scar can hurt quite a bit if I walk a long ways or bike uphill. You can feel it from the outside because it’s firmer when you poke it (a major activity around my house). Dr. Varma told me that although on the outside the scar is horizontal, on the inside there is vertical stitching, so it is not surprising that the area above my scar has internal scar tissue that hurts when I stretch the muscles underneath. It should soften over time, but for now I just take Advil. Unfortunately, the scar tissue makes exercising a little daunting. Of course, it’s really nothing compared to other things I’ve been through.

Although I’m still going to the bathroom many times a day, about 10, I’m not having as many cramps. It really depends on what I eat and the time of day. Fiber and nighttime give me cramps, so I avoid eating fiber at nighttime because I wouldn’t be able to sleep well. I definitely could be better, but I’m still in the recovery period. I am learning more about what foods are good and bad. For example, pancakes are great, but tomato sauce is bad. I still have to drink a lot of water – if I don’t, I notice because I get dizzy. It will always be that way. I will be off prednisone in a few days. As far as I can foresee, this will be the last time I am on huge tapered doses of prednisone! So if you were hoping for some chubby cheeks in the years to come, I’m sorry to disappoint you.

All in all, I’m doing so much better than I was a year or four months ago. I’m never in the kind of pain I was before, the kind of pain that dictated my life. Whereas before I had to plan my life around the bathroom, now I plan (or not really plan) the bathroom around life, which is what most people do. I can see a friend without wanting them to leave so I can be in pain in peace. I can go to the movies and not worry about not enjoying the movie on account of terrible cramps. I can eat a hamburger! 

One of the most important differences is that I don’t think about being sick anymore. I no longer have remission, flare-ups, medications, pain, and an uncertain future floating around my head. I have more normal worries: “What classes am I going to take next semester? How am I going to fit all my belongings into two suitcases when I go back to school? I should really stop procrastinating on that application essay.” Or just…“I’m tired.” I am already busy formulating plans for the years to come. It’s a relief not to worry about how I am going to pursue my aspirations because of the UC obstacle. At this point, I don’t even realize how different my life is because I’ve gotten used to it. I think I am starting to make the transition from being defined by UC and the surgery (at least that’s the way I felt I had become, even if I pretended otherwise in some situations) to just having one less organ than most other people. In a few days, I'm going back to Georgetown, where I will be the over-scheduled Georgetown student I was meant to be. 

It's Getting Better

Last week I went for a check up with Nurse Lois Anne to see how my abscess was doing. She told me that it was much more shallow (which I wouldn't know because I actively avoid looking at it) and gave me a cream with silver nitrate. The cream helped cauterize the inside of the hole, which basically means it made the inside less soft. Since I started using the cream, the hole has healed at lightning speed. There isn't anywhere for the gauze to go at this point!

I've been having tons of cramps lately because I had a series of inadvisable : banana cream pie, tomatoes, chili flakes, cream cheese, and alcohol (for my 21st birthday). I then went on a "BRAT" diet consisting of bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. I feel better but not as well as I did before I went on my delicious food binge. It's hard for me to sleep at night because for some reason when I lie down I start having cramps. It's also hard for me to sleep in because prednisone gets me up early even if I'm tired. I know that it takes a long time to feel 100% better - about a year. It's tempting to start imagining the surgery didn't work or I have pouchitis, especially when I'm so used to waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just have to hold my horses and see how I feel in one month.