I get three shots of the anti-blood clotting medicine Heprin per day. It has gotten a lot more painful since I went off liquid morphine and dilandid. It hurts less when it is injected into fat but they can't find any fat on me to put it in. Since Tuesday I've lost eight pounds - still, remember that my colon weighs about five pounds alone. They take my vital signs - blood pressure, heart rate and temperature about five times a day, including in the middle of the night. A couple times a day they put some hydrocortisone in my IV, which is like a liquid form of the steroid prednisone. When I leave the hospital, they will give me pills to taper it off. The team of doctors and surgeons makes its rounds early every morning so I try to remember any questions I had from the night before. Every day I have a Patient Care Administrator, a nurse, and a surgeon on call. Sometimes they are different people and sometimes the same. My first PCA was just my sister's age and she was really nice. I could tell that she was proud of how much better I got every day, but now she is gone! The PCA and nurse come in fairly frequently to come check on me and I also have a call button. When one of my parents is with me I can make them do errands for me too. I mean, I have to take advantage of these kinds of opportunities when I can.
I found out that on Tuesday, right before I went into the operating room, my mom and my sister got to say bye to me one last time. I don't remember any of it because they gave me a pain medication that made me forget what happened before. True to character, however, I apparently told my mom to "bring me back a treat." Who knows what I meant exactly but it's nice to know that pastries and cookies are always on my mind.
Today I am feeling a little better physically but much better mentally. My spelling is getting better and I can organize my thoughts. I don't need the nurses to tell me what I need anymore because I am aware enough to ask for it. I am still in a lot of pain when I eat but I think it is getting better. Laughing, crying, burping and hiccuping are also really painful. A couple days ago I got the hiccups when I first started drinking water and the only thing that could stop them was a bunch of morphine and vicodin. Luckily I am doing better now. I also think I tried to reduce my pain medications (because I don't like taking them) too soon. The doctors told me I would be on oxycontin for weeks so there is no need to suffer when pain is a normal part of the recovery process. I have also learned how to balance drinking enough water when I eat and also eat slowly because I think that helps. I am sleeping less and getting a little more bored, which is a great sign. This morning one of the doctors from the surgical team came in to look at my stoma and admired the work of the head surgeon, Dr. Varma. The doctors took out my IVs with pain medication and water so now I have to drink everything on my own. I am not getting better quite as rapidly as I was a couple days ago but I am still a "model patient." Getting up is getting easier. I usually feel a little nauseous and dizzy right when I stand up out of bed but I am definitely getting stronger. I am still on track to leave tomorrow.
I was talking with my dad about how much better I am just a few days out of surgery than when I was on my semester off. It's a little scary because I realize how much more I put up with than I should have and how important it is to call it a day when that is what is truly best. Knowing what is best is easier said than done, but I was definitely more stubborn than I needed to be and held on too long at various times. Once I finally made my decision for surgery, I was so absolutely confident, however, that surgery was daunting mostly just because I just had to embrace change in a way that I never had before. I knew that it would be a good change, but all the same it was difficult to proactively make that change when I did not have to.
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